What Does “Honor Thy Parents” Mean in a Marriage?
If you grew up Christian, I am sure you have heard your parents or grandparents quote this very famous scripture, which comes from Ephesians 6:1 (NIV version states “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”). It is used to encourage children to be obedient toward their parents, although it is sometimes used for manipulation. But what happens when you become married and your parent(s) STILL throw this scripture in your face?
Let’s now take a look at Genesis 2:24, which says, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh”. This scripture shows that once you get married, you become united with your spouse, AFTER you leave your mother and father. You must leave to cleave. Leaving your parents does not mean disrespecting them, nor does it mean you have to leave the city they live in. It means every decision you make should honor your marriage FIRST. Matthew 19:6 says, “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate”. This includes parents. If your parents expect you to “honor” them first, although you are married, remind them that your primary responsibility is not to them, but to your marriage.
Honoring your parent while married may mean checking up on them periodically. If they are aging, it may mean helping to care for them. For some people, it might also mean helping out financially. It all depends on what you and your spouse see as not dishonoring the marriage.
If you need help having this conversation with your spouse or setting boundaries with your parents (and you live in the state of Texas), make sure you send me a message. I get it, it’s not always THAT easy, but help is available! If you don’t live in Texas, PsychologyToday is a great place to find a therapist who meets your needs.
Conversations to have with your spouse or future spouse:
What did honoring your parents look like growing up?
What does it mean to dishonor our marriage, yet honor our parents?
What boundaries do you think you need to set with your parents? (Allow your spouse to speak for themselves before you share the boundaries you think they should set).
How can I support you with the boundaries you set?
